Saturday, April 30, 2016

Gotta Catch 'em All - PokeCubs!

While killing time during a rare dead period at work the other day, I somehow stumbled upon my new favorite waste of time:  My Poke Card.

Now, as a child of the 90's and a bonafide card collector, it was inevitable that I'd build up a large stash of Pokemon cards during my pre-pubescent years.  Alongside my stash of Cubs, I had an impressive stack of Ancient Mews, holographic Hitmonchans, Pikachus, etc. in my possession, as well.  Meanwhile, this Poke-fanatic also played all the Gameboy games through Gold and Silver and saw every episode of the original cartoon at least three times.

Unfortunately, I lost that card collection to a scheming former friend who took them from me and sold them off to a local card dealer.  Bad memories.

Anyway, with an hour to while away, I couldn't help myself from merging two of my favorite pastimes.  So, without any further ado, I present you PokeCubs:

David Ross, pressed into more regular duty after the injury to Miguel Montero, had just launched one onto Waveland as I discovered the card generator.  Thus, he became the very first PokeCub - and a fire type at that, thanks to his fast start in 2016.  

Also, he's no John Baker, but when he takes the mound, things get interesting.

Another player on "fire" thus far has been Matt Szczur, an extra outfielder that just barely made the team out of camp.  He's certainly proved his worth, batting .308 in 29 PAs, culminating with spectacular grand salami in the bottom of the eighth yesterday against the Braves.  In one swing, the tight 2-1 contest instantly became a laugher.

Furthermore, his second attack is a reference to the fact that while still at Villanova, the two sport-star made a life saving bone marrow donation to a young girl from the Ukraine.  This was a selfless act that cost him a partial season in the process.

I figured Jake would be a grass type thanks to his moniker of "Jake the Snake" - seems like a natural fit to me.

That stare though.

Manager Joe Maddon on pinch-hitting extraordinaire Tommy La Stella:  "He can get up at three a.m.., get out of bed, and hit."  So far in 2016, he's lived up to that moniker.

Also, you can see why he'd be a "Darkness" type Pokemon.

If he doesn't kill you with the long ball, he'll use those baby blues to trick you into a false sense of security.

Ryno is one of the greatest second basemen to play the game, be it on the field or at the plate, and an all-time fan favorite (this fan included).  That said, I couldn't help but poke fun at the way he's now abandoned his club twice during his time in pro ball (his first retirement in 1994 and his abrupt resignation from managing the Phillies last season).

Theo Epstein has saved this franchise from the doldrums.  His strict adherence to the plan he and his cohorts drafted and his shrewd moves (of which, the sign and trade was quite effective) has "resurrected" the team, leading the franchise from past-their-prime bottom feeders to the best team in baseball.  

Praise the Theocracy!

...and I think the novelty has worn off - I'll call it a day here.   I hope you found these to be at least a little bit amusing.  In the meantime, I'm going to sit here and sulk in my newly re-discovered rage about Mike's stealing of my Pokemon cards... jerk.

I'll close this out with my favorite rap song of all-time (though the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song gives it a good run):


  1. Such a cool idea. I didn't notice the stages on the cards the first time I read this post. I like the old pictures on the Theo and Ryno cards.

  2. Oh man. I already have barely any time to read blogs and catch up on packages. Why did you have to show me a site where we can create our own Pokemon cards?

    P.S. Love the Ryno!