"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." - Charles Caleb Colton "To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity." - William Arthur Ward "We all gotta laugh at ourselves, once in a while. I do it all the time!" Spongebob Squarepants
Maybe if our president watched an episode of Spongebob, he wouldn't be quite so sensitive. Ever since Alec Baldwin unleashed his Trump impression on Saturday Night Live during the election season, the Great Orange One has been on a crusade against the late night sketch show... much like he has been against the rest of the media. Of course, his Twitter tirades about how bad the show is, how mean the impressions are and all that mumbo jumbo is simply a reflection of the fact that the man can't handle criticism. SNL has skewered every president and presidential candidate since their beginning and only one has taken it as a deeply personal offense.
This of course, only causes the writers to target him and his administration harder (of course, this crew offers up constant material). Perhaps you saw the Melissa McCarthy impersonation of Press Secretary Sean Spicer, last weekend?
This bit absolutely stole the show on a night where the host accidentally unleashed an "f-bomb" on live television. Now, rumor has it that Trump's greatest enemy - that's right, Rosie O'Donnell - has offered her services to play assistant and Chief Strategist to the President, Steven Bannon. I think I can actually hear The Donald's blood boiling at the thought of it.
Anyway, satire and parody have been around for as long as there have been politics and this administration is going to have to grow some thicker skin. But, I know what you're thinking - "Tony, what does any of this have to do with baseball cards?" Well, believe it or not, I have a connection for you, the loyal reader.
Coincidentally, Major League Baseball had a similar reaction to being mocked, circa 1991.
Cardtoons was a set of art-based, parody cards which poked fun at Major League Baseball and it's personalities. For instance, here we have the Balou's Brothers - a mashup of the Blues Brothers and the Alou family. At the time, Felipe was manager of the Expos at the same time that his son, Moises, patrolled the outfield. Sure, this reference would have made more sense with Felipe and his brothers Matty and Jesus, but that ship had long-since sailed.
Shawon Tungsten bears more than a passing resemblance to Chicago shortstop Shawon Dunston, with his cannon of an arm that was about as accurate as the Bowling Green Massacre.
Also, we have Harry Scaray, who embodies the fear we all had watching
the late, great broadcaster call games from the press box, with ample
liquid assistance:
This comedic set of baseball cards was supposed to hit the market in 1991, in the thick of the junk wax era, when everyone and their brother was making or marketing baseball cards. The people behind Cardtoons needed a niche and parody was their way to stand out from the crowd. By keeping using fake player and team names, they hoped the unlicensed set would avoid litigation, on the grounds that they were "expression protected by the
First Amendment and therefore read a parody exception..." Well, the MLB Players Association would have none of that - according to them, the cutsie player names made the players easily identifiable.
The set eventually got out in 1993, but the lawsuit that entailed stretched out for seven years, with Cardtoons eventually winning out. However, the lengthy court battle left the small company battered and, essentially, the MLBPA got what they wanted. Of course, they probably would have been okay with the whole thing if they got a slice of the proverbial pie.
While all of that was going on, Confex put out their own parody set in 1992, called Baseball Enquirer. This set also lambasted current MLB players and on-field personnel, but left out the cute, slightly twisted names entirely, which is what I am assuming kept them safe from the MLBPA. Otherwise, I have no idea why they went after Cardtoons, but not Fun Stuff.
The set wasn't very well-received and died a natural death after just one go 'round. In that checklist, was one implied "Cub" - George Bell. The longtime designated hitter proved why he filled that spot for the Blue Jays and the White Sox during his singular season in the National League.
The backs of these cards featured comedic "interviews" with their unnamed subjects, thus earning their badge of "Baseball Enquirer." Some were actually quite chuckle-worthy, including the Bell above. Others were notably mean-spirited, like the Lenny Dykstra look-a-like.
After Cardtoons was muscled out of business and Confex failed to grab a foothold in the lucrative market, the idea of a parody set featuring MLB personalities died for good. To my knowledge, to this date, no other similar undertaking has been attempted (with one exception), likely partially because the threat of litigation is not worth the cost of business. Furthermore, it's not like any of the licensed card manufacturers are going to stick their neck out on their own similar venture, especially not in the age of ultra-competitive exclusives.
However, every now and then, satire and parody will rear it's head in a product. For instance, in the lead up to the 2008 presidential election, Upper Deck blended baseball with politics in their Presidential Predictors insert set. Without this checklist, we wouldn't have gems such as the one above, which compared the political dogfight with the infamous Michael Barrett vs. A.J. Pierzynski brawl. However, with Hillary Clinton being a noted Cubs fan, I think they should have flipped the roles here.
Furthermore, Topps has long kept the spirit of parody alive with both their Wacky Packages and Garbage Pail Kids line, which extend back decades. Wacky Packs, which typically poke fun at consumer products, were expanded to include a set of MLB parodies, the first such lambasting since Cardtoons and Confex. However, while the spirit Wackies have always been subversive and fun, this MLB sticker set was toothless and barely funny. Again, the MLBPA seems to share a certain inability to laugh at themselves, just like someone else we know...
On the other hand, there seems to be no holds barred in the GPK world, which seems to have only gotten more pointed in the age of online exclusives. Their pop culture references run wild, like with my wife's new Kimmy K mocking above, and people get a real kick out of them. I have yet to find a baseball reference in one of these babies though.
In summation, this was basically just a giant excuse to show off my Cardtoons and Confex parody cards. However, it was easy to draw some parallels between the MLBPA's stubborn refusal to see these mockeries hit the market and Donald Trump's inability to handle satire. I have to say, this quality is much more nerve-wracking and concerning to see in the leader of the free world than it is to see in a pro sports union that has no power over the direction of our country.
At any rate, let's all remember how important it is to be able to laugh at yourself - "pobody's nerfect" and all that jazz. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to this Saturday night. After all, the comedy institution is
only going to hammer him harder, from this point on. Maybe we'll even get that Rosie O'Donnell appearance that the internet is clamoring for.
"Life is too short to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde
Ah c'mon - that's not the kind of cardboard date that I'm talking about.
I know you're probably all sick and tired of hearing about it my now, but my wife and I just got married a little over a week ago. Time and time again I'm reminded that it's a damn good thing I locked her down because she is probably the coolest life partner that a guy could ask for. After all, on one of our few and precious weekends where we are both off work and are otherwise unencumbered, not only did she allow me to sneak over to the card shop, she actually wanted to come with me. So, we had ourselves a little cardboard date. This is the kind of thing that I dreamed about, as a kid.
Ever the documentarian, thanks to her, I now know exactly how I look when I peruse my favorite storefront:
Behold, me with my awkward T-Rex arm, opening the portal to the land of treasures - Baseball Dreams and Memories in Crestwood, IL. Of course, I allowed my wife to enter this cave of wonders first - chivalry ain't completely dead, after all.
Here I am, in deep and total concentration, as I gaze into each glass case in search of new cardboard rectangles to add to my various collections. Also, apparently my wallet is about to burst out of my back pocket; I can say for certain that is not because it is fat with stacks of cash. Rather, I think it's time for me to start breaking in a new pair of blue jeans.
At this point, my personal paparrazo ceased her following and put her camera phone away to do some questing of her own. You see, she too collects cards - which is something you might know if you've been reading Wrigley Roster Jenga for a while - just not the same way that I do. More on that later. First, I'd like to show off what I discovered during our little card shop date:
The first round pick out of the 2014 draft has been something of a disappointment in his first year of NHL action - in 32 games played, the center has just 7 points an a +/- rating of -3. He's even been demoted to the AHL for a bit. However, you have to consider that the 20 year old was skating with the University of North Dakota last season; he's got plenty of time to develop. In fact, it wouldn't be hard to argue that he was brought up a touch too early.
Regardless, I still needed a card of the rookie for my All-Time Blackhawks collection and this single from the Walmart exclusive 16-17 Parkurst release will fill Nick's slot quite nicely. Now, I also need to track down the Tyler Motte rookie, for the very same purposes.
The only other card that I was able to track down during our little adventure was this 2016-17 O-Pee-Chee card of short-term Hawk, Tomas Fleischmann. The left winger was acquired prior to the trading deadline last season, along with Dale Weise, as reinforcement for their playoff run. Unfortunately, that trade didn't work out particularly well, as Tomas contributed just 5 points, along the way, before becoming a free agent. As of yet, he has yet to see further professional action.
I can say, with certainty, that this is (and will be) his only Chicago Blackhawks card. Honestly, I'm fairly surprised that he got one at all, but here we are. The OPC will be replacing the following card in my Blackhawks binder:
This Upper Deck single makes use of a phenomenal goal shot from Tomas' time with the Florida Panthers; nevertheless, Indian head sweaters will always take priority in my collection. Plus, I prefer to use cards where you can actually see the player's face.
Meanwhile, I made mention earlier in this post about how my wife spent a good amount of time sifting through cards, herself; you see, she too collects. While I focus on the Cubs, Blackhawks, Bears, Bulls and NASCAR, she focuses all of her collecting energy on Wacky Packages and Garbage Pail Kids:
It makes sense - she's a huge fan of biting social commentary and plain, old fashioned, juvenile humor. What other trading card products blend those two qualities as well as GPK and the Wackies? We both agree that the answer is none.
We also both agree that the "Frisk Me" airport security sticker on the left was the best of the bunch; even if it has taken on a whole new meaning. this weekend. Meanwhile, the "Franken Bury" isn't particularly clever, but the strawberry, monster cereal is her very favorite breakfast treat.
Some "Punkin' Donuts" to start your day off right - I especially enjoy the white pastry in the right front, sporting the Misfits' devilock, doing it's best Jerry Only impression. I think I can also spot of Joey Ramone look-a-like in there.
Anywho, with as often as she runs to the real place for her morning coffee, I'm not surprised that she was attracted to this Dunkin parody.
Apparently, my sister-in-law has a compulsive issue when it comes to washing her hands and is a borderline germaphobe. In all of the years I've known her, this is something that I was not aware of. But, my companion says it's true and that she bought the Wacky Pack on the left, just for her. I wonder if I have to learn about the rest of my in-laws' quirks from old stickers?
Lastly, we have the only Garbage Pail Kid of the bunch, Mr. Tommy Gun, which is fairly self-explanatory. I guess it's only appropriate for a Chicago resident to have a card featuring a Capone era gangster.
With that, we had finished exhausted our interests in the purveyors stock, so we payed the kind man and went about the rest of our day. Of course, we had to pose for a picture with our spoils, in the parking lot, before we could do anything else. Pics or it didn't happen, right?
In short, let me just say that I can't believe how lucky I am that I found a partner in crime who not only supports my, admittedly, somewhat childish hobby, but openly partakes in it herself. Of course, that is just one in her long list of countless qualities that make her my favorite person in the world, but it's one that cannot be underestimated. Is anyone else out there lucky enough to share this hobby with their significant other?
All I know that any day spent with my wife is a good day - add in a trip to the card shop and it instantly becomes a fantastically great, super awesome, fun day.
The pack you see above provided me a couple of good karma rewards, but more on that later.
Today marked one of the rare weekend days where both my fiancee and I are free - working in retail means that she often gets stuck working at inconvenient times. As such, we both feel like we have to make the most of the time that we have together. Today, she got to choose how we spent our rarefied co-mingling hours.
We began the morning with the annual Independence Day parade... yes, I realize that it's only June 25th; but, for some strange reason that's how my community has always done it. I was mostly indifferent on attending, however, she was surprisingly gung-ho on the idea. From there, we went dress shopping at the local Burlington Coat Factory so that she could find a nice outfit for her friend's bridal shower tomorrow, in lieu of the car show I secretly wanted to attend.
I wasn't complaining though, it was just nice to spend a few casual hours together. After finally settling on a nice little number, she actually decided that she'd like to go to the LCS in order to pick up some vintage Garbage Pail Kids.
Yup, that's right, she willingly opted to go card-hunting - I knew I picked a winner!
So, we rushed right on over there, before she could change her mind and luckily, they had a nice stash of old school GPK and Wacky Packages to keep her entertained. Here are a few of the gems that she ended up walking away with:
The Ronald Reagan goofing was a no-brainer, seeing as she is all about political study. Meanwhile, "Marc Spark" was selected, in her words, "in honor of the fourth of July."
Moving on, the Wacky Packages weren't exactly vintage; that said, she was still able to find a couple which struck her fancy:
My better half is a major Lady Gaga fan and about the most strong-willed feminist I've ever encountered (a label which I also wear proudly). I always say, if you can't laugh at yourself, you shouldn't be laughing at anyone else; if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen and all that cliched jazz.
Also, that one on the right is obviously a parallel of some sort, but neither her nor I could possibly care any less about that fact.
Anyway, as you can see, it was a pretty fruitful afternoon for her - she got to take in a parade on a beautiful summer day, came away with a cute outfit with minimal struggle and found herself a few new treasured collectibles. Combine that with the fact that we're finally going to see Finding Dory tonight and she was in a pretty damn good mood.
Of course, there was no way I was leaving that shop without grabbing a little something for myself, so I selected my very first pack of Series 2 from the gravity feeder at the counter and we were on our merry way. This impulse purchase then promptly rewarded me for letting my fiancee select the day's festivities:
Hey - it's great to see that my favorite insert set from Series 1 has carried over into the second edition. Bricks, ivy and the iconic Wrigley Field marquee make for an unequivocally beautiful design. Not to mention, I love the uniqueness of press conference shots on baseball cards - they're infinitely better than crappy Photoshop/airbrushing monstrosities.
Hot damn - it's a Cubs hot-pack! No base Northsider base cards; however, both of the "special cards" contained within were Boys in Blue flavored. I'll certainly be marking this down as a win.
It's kind of hard to tell from the picture, but that Cubs team card is some kind of rainbow foil parallel. Now, I know I said I don't pay too much mind to parallels when discussing the Wacky Packs above, but this sure does look pretty. The exuberant joy in the walk-off win celebration chosen for the photo sure doesn't hurt either.
So, there you have it - good karma immediately rewarded me for letting my fiancee take the reigns on our Saturday spent together. That said, I think having a fiancee that willingly wanted to not only step into a card shop, but also wanted to do some shopping of her own is truly enough of a reward!
First of all, happy Opening Day everyone! Why isn't this a national holiday yet? Although, I'll be much more excited when the Cubs open their schedule tomorrow against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Orange County, California of the United States of North America. Nevertheless, the fact that real baseball is back makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, like Christmas is supposed to.
Speaking of holidays, exactly one week ago today, we had one of those:
Yes, that holiday was Easter Sunday, in case anyone forgot.
My fiancee and I may be in our mid-20's, but we still exchange Easter baskets with each other and pretend like it was the Easter Bunny who hid them... because we are giant children and life is more fun that way.
As you can see, the lovely lady (errrm, I mean, rabbit) stuffed mine with some of my favorite snack foods - Tootsie Rolls, Little Debbie Cakes, Jerky, Jelly Bellys, etc. along with some silly string and bubbles. See? Giant children.
Additionally, because she knows me well, she also included a couple packs of these:
The perfect Easter basket, Christmas stocking, trick or treat bag or turkey stuffing. OK - maybe don't try that last one.
She seems to have the golden touch when it comes to picking packs; after all, her first ever selection yielded an autograph. So, I was hoping to pull something really cool:
It's not a "hit," per se, at least not in the traditional sense. However, to this rabid Cubs fan who lives where even a normal Bryant base card will run you an Abraham Lincoln flash card. an insert of the man with the best baby blues in Chicago is definitely a "hit" with me.
The Perspectives set is pretty cool too. Sure, the text they used is quite reminiscent of WordArt in Microsoft Office, but at least Topps actually tried something different for once.
The only other Cub found within the two packs was this card of the "Professor" redux. Hendricks is heavily underrepresented in my collection; thus, this two was a welcome find. Here's hoping he can take the next step forward in his development and become the best fifth starter in the league.
Now, we've all seen and dissected the base set enough by now, so I'll just show off what other inserts came with my Cubbies:
If anyone likes them, call dibs - they don't really do anything for this Windy City inhabitant. Also, I've said this before, but why did Topps completely eliminate the backgrounds on the Walk Off Wins inserts? Half of the fun of such dramatic occurrences is the chaos and pure joy found in the background by fans and teams alike.
Anyway, while I only got two Cubs for my collection out of the two packs, any cards that come as gifts are especially special to me. So, I was more than satisfied when it came to what I got out of these Series 1 packs.
That said, those weren't the only cards that I got on the Easter holiday either. In the process of building my fiancee's Easter Basket, I made a quick, last minute run to Target for a few more small items because Target is that woman's happy place. It was inevitable that I'd find something that'd catch her eye.
Not to mention, it was pretty much inevitable that I'd be walking out of there with some trading cards for myself too because, again, I'm a giant man-child who can't be trusted alone:
I decided to go with a couple of new products that haven't made their way into my possession yet. The Wacky Packages were an easy selection, seeing as the Cubs card on top guaranteed that the pack wouldnt be a total waste (even if it is pretty lame). Also, Donruss... I guess I grabbed it because of the pack's pastel colors were appropriate for Easter? I dunno, I just wanted to rip some cards.
After I assembled the lady's Easter basket, this is what I Found within my impulse purchases:
Again, super lame Cubs-themed sticker here. At least the Diamondback's example is actually tied in with their franchise in some way. The Cubs don't even have that many left handed pitchers. Lamesauce, as the kiddies say.
At least the minor league cards were entertaining, maybe moreso because MiLB clubs are something inherently different than there being any of the subversive humor Wacky Packs are supposed to feature. However, I do think the Stone Crabs Crabcakes fit the mold.
Also, who doesn't love flying squirrels? Maybe Boris and Natasha... but that's it.
The only other Wacky Pack of interest was this green grass parallel. Again, this seems really forced and dull parody wise - I mean, I'd like to see someone trying to get a flea collar on a tiger (that would make a much more Wacky illustration). Also, parallels in a sticker product? This truly is the parallel era in card collecting.
Okay - so, the Wacky Packages hanger was a bit of a let down; this is a shame, because this product crossover had so much potential. Maybe the ever-repetitive Donruss would throw me a curveball?
A Kirby hot pack! I think I got Brian's package by mistake - some wires must have been crossed somewhere.
I sure wouldn't mind coming across a Cub on the throwback insert though - personally, I've always liked the early Donruss designs.
Here's a couple of youngsters that I'm tangentially aware of - Reyes moreso than Marte, since the Cardinals are my teams arch rival and all. I do rather like the framing of the picture used for Reyes; the pitch suspended in mid-air is almost always a cool look.
Hopefully the Cubs draft Nick Banks and then this pre-rookie card of the guy will fit right into my "baby bears" collection. As it stands, he's currently representing Team USA and Texas A&M. I do find the patriotic design of these cards to be fairly appealing too.
Can't be Donruss without a Diamond King. I think it would be much more intriguing if they purposely created some nightmare-inducing portraits like some of those that appeared in the originals. As it stands, they're rather majestic looking cards. which, I suppose is how a Diamond King should look.
My goodness - I have legitimately pulled a Seager card in almost every product I've sampled this year. Seriously, look:
Seriously, the baseball card gods must be confused about which shade of blue is my favorite. Well, good thing there are a couple of Dodger bloggers out there, I think.
As for the base cards, the best of the bunch were my first ever cards of these two youngins. After all, the base set is pretty dull and damn near carbon copies of 2015 and 2014. Not that the design is terrible, it just kinda "been there, done that."
Also, not a single Cubs card in the whole group - well, that's disappointing.
Alright, I'm finally all caught up - I suppose being one week behind really isn't all that big of a deal; however, this OCD man-child was not okay with it. The moral of this story is that I definitely should leave the pack selection up to my fiancee, especially on holidays.
Happy Easter.... ummm.... I mean, Opening Day everyone!
