Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Others "Pail" in Comparison

My fiance is a wonderful person.

She tolerates my terrible, pun-filled jokes, got me on a healthier diet, is always there for me when I need a shoulder and doesn't complain (too much) when I inevitably drift over to the trading card section during our pilgrimages to Target.

This is why I put a ring on it.

The other night, we needed to make a quick stop to pick up a minuscule amount of groceries in order to last us through our next big shopping day.  Inevitably, I felt my body make a reflexive right turn as we approached the cash registers, right into my familiar haunt.  Not that this was a surprise to either of us; unlike the Spanish Inquisition, it was completely expected.

What wasn't expected was that my lovely fiance followed me, instead of turning to the magazine racks for entertainment.  Not only did she follow me, she was actually looking through the product on the racks!  What trickery is this?!

When I heard her whisper, "Would judge me if I bought some Garbage Pail Kids?" I not only did not judge her, I immediately jumped into making sure she got the best bang for her buck.

Is this a door that leads to joining me in the card-collecting hobby, left slightly ajar?  I must burst through this entryway like the Kool-Aid Man!

In the end, she walked away with the 20-card rack pack of their latest release, "American as Apple Pie in Your Face," that you see above and I was about as giddy as a school girl that she was buying cards.  Shall we see how she did in her very first pack-ripping experience?:

The bonus here for me (besides the fact that my gorgeous bride to me is opening cards) is that I've never so much touched a pack of Garbage Pail Kids, let alone ripped one open to see it's contents.  Even though these things have been around forever, this was an entirely new experience for me.

On to the cards:

These two near the top were amongst her favorite pulls.  Who doesn't love a good social commentary or a chance to pick on hipsters?  I personally hate anything having to do with zombies though (it's an odd phobia I've had ever since my father let me watch Night of the Living Dead as an impressionable youngin'), so I wasn't as keen as she was on Phony Phil.

With this next batch, you have to keep in mind that my lady is a huge political nerd and has even worked on a few local campaigns.  Thus, it was a foregone conclusion that these were going to be her favorites:

I must say, that Trump card (ha! "trump card") seems to be awfully accurate.  Additionally, the one to right of it isn't too far off the mark either - Jeb doesn't seem to be enjoying the campaign trail at all these days.

It should also be noted that the Jeb is some sort of parallel too.  I forget which kind, but it was something really gross; something to do with either urine or snot... I'm not exactly sure though.

All in all, if that had been all that she got out of this experience, I think that would have been enough to make her a fan.  That said, I definitely didn't expect what was sitting comfortably in the middle of the stack:

Are you freakin' kididng me?!  She pulled an autograph out of the very first pack of cards she's ever opened in her quarter-century spent on this earth!  On top of that, it's numbered /25 too.  What an out of this world development this was (There's one of those terrible puns I was alluding too earlier).

I didn't pull a signed card of any sort until last year... clearly she's got the golden touch,

Brent Engstrom is the artist behind all of the disturbing, amusing and satirical artwork found on the front of these cards.  I wish I could find the pack odds for his John Hancock, but I cannot locate them online and I've already disposed of the wrapper.  Regardless, it's still quite the card collecting baptism, is it not?

When I saw this fall out, I was crossing my fingers that some of that golden touch would be passed down onto my own rack pack.  Psssh, you didn't think I was walking out of that card aisle empty-handed, did you?

While still in the store, I had my better half randomly select a product for me to open with her; awww, it's like a "his and hers" card-buying experience.  Now, hopefully some of her beginner's luck applicable to the contents of my bounty too.  Perhaps I had my own mega mojo super hit waiting for me to set it free from this plastic pouch.

Not quite - however, it was far from a disappointment:

My very first pack-pulled card of Schwarbs and only my second overall!  Plus it's from my favorite insert set of the new year (big surprise, right?).  With his rapid ascension through the minors and his immediate success in the Majors, there aren't a lot of cards of his on the market and the ones that do exist command a premium.

You damn well better believe this one will be his representation in my CATRC.

As a bonus footnote, there was also this superb fielding shot of Angel Pagan, who spent parts of the 2006-07 campaigns in Chicago.  As such, this will slot nicely into my "Cubs of a Different Color" binder (future/former Cubs pictured on different teams).

Okay, it's official, I'm letting her pick out all of my packs from now on.  Clearly she's magic.

So, now I've got to make sure that I keep the momentum going here - I'll have to get her a few more packs of Garbage Pail Kids and keep this fire stoked.  Maybe I should just forgo the flowers and chocolate on Valentines Day and surprise her with a bouquet made of card packs?

Nahhhhh, I'm just kidding - she'd definitely not be cool with that.  But, not because she wants the cheesy teddy bear/candy/roses lovey-dovey treatment; no, it'd be because the only thing she wants is to spend the entire day wandering around the Chicago Auto Show.

Did I mention that she's wonderful?


  1. I'm guessing that was your coloring book in front of your lovely bride-to-be as she's opening the cards.

  2. Hipster Hal is usually in front of me at my favorite local coffee joint.

    About twice a year my wife will surprise with a pack of cards. For the most part she tolerates my cardboard addiction. Usually the only comment I get is "you get a lot of mail."

    My brother has a lot of the original garbage pail kids. They always make me smile.

  3. My wife is not into cards, but she does make an effort to get me cards every so often. She knows which repacks I like and she will ask me to send her a text with a picture of the packaging for whichever set I am collecting at the moment so she can compare the pictures with what's on the shelves.

  4. She's a keeper. Run, don't walk to the altar.

  5. Wife nabbed some Alf cards from me a while back, and I had some GPK when I was a kid. Gotta swing by and pick up another fat 2016 pack today or tomorrow.

  6. Wife nabbed some Alf cards from me a while back, and I had some GPK when I was a kid. Gotta swing by and pick up another fat 2016 pack today or tomorrow.

  7. I saw something the other day in Target that I hadn't seen before. It was a Garbage Pail Kids repack box. It was just like the sports repacks, but it was packed with GPK stuff. It may have included other parody products of some kind, but the two packs on the front of it were GPK.

  8. Great stuff! My wife's never bought me cards, but I'm grateful that she's patient enough to put up with the ones I buy myself!

  9. It's a perfect election year for parody cards like that. And I'm in agreement with the rest of the comments- a bride that, at the very least, tolerates your cardboard interests is a keeper!

  10. I've got some of the Wrigley inserts if you're interested in them... email me at cornellsteven5 (at) g mail (dot) com.